I grew up in an environment where your first real contact with the man you hope to spend your life with comes up when he pops that question
I grew up in an environment where your first real contact with the man you hope to spend your life with comes up when he pops that question:
'Will you marry me?'
But as I interacted with the wider world, I began to see men and women, mothers, grandmothers and grandfathers with different experiences of how they met their spouses. Many were friends before they decided to take the relationship to another level. Some dated by getting to know the person they were in a relationship with while at the same time seeking confirmation of God's leading before popping the big question. Some others have stated that they knew little details about their partner and yet after the proposal, they had been able to combine discovering their spouse's personality as they planned for their marriage.
I have come to conclude that none of those procedures is wrong as long as God takes the first place.
Of course, there are cases where some ladies wished they had known their spouse before going to the altar and others wished they had not been too fast with the whole process...
...I believe time tests so many things. I'm not advocating for singles to spend countless years in a relationship but then I know as a matter of fact, that time, reasonable time, reveals alot.
We are different...with our different backgrounds and life experiences...most of which shape the way we handle relationship...some of these experiences may require some to take longer time in the courtship process...
For instance, a sister who has had issues with abandonment as a child, where she didn't have a close relationship with her parents may need to take more time with her emotions as per relationship than another sister who has had a beautiful childhood. It is very easy for her to get so emotionally attached to the brother because she is desperately seeking what she has missed. She may not know she is doing this, but somehow, it reflects as the relationship drags on...Men get drained by emotionally unstable women over time, and then you begin to wonder why they are withdrawn, why you are holding so tightly as if your life depends on him....and when he doesn't reciprocate all of your emotional demands especially after marriage, you wonder if he really loves you....
Developing friendship first especially for a man or lady with hyper emotions is so important. There are relationships that ended not because God placed a cross sign on them, but because we wanted to chew the yam while it was hot and our mouth got burnt...because we messed things up.
While you are looking forward to a union with her, is it possible to just step back and ask yourself, 'what do I know about this person?'... Why are you both already talking about joint account and the number of kids you will have and the best sex positions when you don't even know him.
Maybe you can sit back in your room and take a jotter and pen and write;
20 things I know about ......
You may be shocked that the idea of marriage is all that's wrapped in your head and not the person you are in a relationship with. As you pour out those thoughts, you'll discover areas that you need to know, possible areas that's already causing friction, the areas of her life you need to understand and come to terms with, most of which you may have to present to the Lord asking for deep insight into the person He has brought your way.
Meditation, reflection will give room for you to see things objectively and will help you determine if you really heard what you said you heard or if you are only acting like Peter who jumped to his feet and said,
'I am ready to go with thee both into prison and to death...' but before a little girl he was quick to deny the same man he said he would die with.
...sometimes, when that man who loves you deeply says he wants a day or two off to think deeply on the relationship, don't freak out... Marriage is a big deal. You need the space too...Use the time to reflect, pray and think.
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